Through her eyes
by LilyWafiq
Summary: An account of Sam's time as Jolinar


I'm off world

I'm off world. We're under heavy fire; many people have already been killed. I hear Colonel O'Neill yelling at me to leave, but I'm beside a man who's still alive, and I can't leave him. I give this man mouth to mouth, trying to keep him alive. There's a sudden, intense pain in my throat and I realise I've just been taken as a host to a Goa'uld. Not a good thought. It's weird; there are suddenly two minds in me, working concurrently.

"Carter! We've got to go! You alright?" I hear Colonel O'Neill yell.

"Yeah." I hear myself reply.

After we get back to earth, I go to see Janet, and she finds an abrasion on the back of my throat, where the Goa'uld entered me. I don't reveal anything. I still sound like me, but the Goa'uld is keeping my own voice compressed, I am a prisoner in my own body, I am unable to control anything my body does. The Goa'uld is in control.

The next day, I go to see Cassie, unfortunately, she detects the presence of the Goa'uld inside me. I hear the Goa'uld threaten Cassie. I want to reassure the young girl, but I can't. It's like a dream, watching something out of my own eyes, unable to do anything of my own accord.

I can feel that the parasite inside me is desperate to leave earth. It wants to get off world. I find myself rushing into the gate room.

"Where's Colonel O'Neill? We're due to get out of here in five minutes!" I hear the parasite say. Daniel and Teal'c look surprised.

"Well he left us a message, said he'd meet us in the Gate Room." Daniel said.

"Well step on it then!"

Jack soon enters the room. He tells us we're not going anywhere. I can feel the parasite growing anxious. I back onto the ramp; Jack injects me with something, probably some sort of tranquilliser. The Goa'uld is not happy. I hear it slip into its natural voice. It sounds weird coming from my mouth.

"Open the Stargate!"

I feel myself reaching into one of my pockets, pulling out a grenade. Every security guard, and Teal'c draw their weapons, and I'm hoping they don't shoot. I don't want to die a Goa'uld. Suddenly the tranquillisers kick in, and I fall to the ground.

I'm standing in a holding cell, one I've seen many times before. But I've never been in it from this angle. Jack walks in. He starts to tell me, the Goa'uld, how we really blew it. Typical Jack.

"You are weak." I hear myself say, in the Goa'uld distorted voice.

"Let me go. Let me go through the Stargate. I will find another host and send your friend back to you." The Goa'uld is trying to get jack to let us go. Jack doesn't buy it, why would he? He's Jack. Jack turns to leave. I feel myself regaining control of my body. I take the opportunity.

"Oh God, he's telling you the truth! Please, Jack, no Jack, please, don't leave me, please, give me a chance! Don't leave me like this! Please!" I scream at Jack, wanting him to hear me.

Jack turns, I can see in his eyes that he doesn't believe it's me talking, he believes it's another trick by the parasite inside me. Jack leaves and I can feel the parasite regain control of my body.

"What will it take?" I hear myself mutter.

Later, Teal'c enters the room, and I hear myself, the Goa'uld tell him about a Goa'uld resistance. The Tok'ra. I also hear the Goa'uld reveal its name.

"I am Jolinar of Malkshur."

Jolinar is telling the truth. I can tell. But because we have never encountered Tok'ra before, only Goa'uld, I am still not free. I understand what everybody is thinking, it'd be the same if it wasn't me who was taken. If it were Jack, or Daniel. I listen in on the conversations Jolinar is having. I listen to his thoughts. Then comes a disturbing bit of information. There is an Ashrak – a hunter – after Jolinar, and therefore, after me. Jolinar is nervous and I'm terrified. Jolinar knows this. He is unwilling to let me die as well.

Jolinar tries one last time, to get free. This time he is pleading to Daniel. Daniel doesn't give in. He is stronger than that. He looks at me and says.

"I'm sorry Sam." Because he knows the host must still survive, that I'm in here somewhere. Then Jolinar draws the wild card.

"I can give her back to you." And I know he's not talking about me. Sha're. Jolinar knows where she is, and tells Daniel so.

I'm standing in my cell later when an airman approaches. But this is not an airman, I can tell by Jolinar's reaction that this is the Ashrak, and I don't have much longer to live. The Ashrak uses his device to kill Jolinar, and in extension, me. I can feel all strength disappearing from my body as I crumple to the floor.

I am vaguely aware of movement around me. Janet is sitting on top of me, doing CPR in desperate attempts to keep me alive. There are people everywhere as we arrive in the infirmary, and I'm hooked up to all sorts of machines to keep me alive, I am aware that Colonel O'Neill is standing off to one side, and that makes me feel a little bit of hope. I have to survive, if only for him.

I realise that Jolinar is dying, and so am I. I am going to die with a parasite in my head. Kind of ironic. We've foiled Goa'uld plots, but I get taken by a 'good one', apparently, and I'm going to die because of it. I feel Jolinar die, and I feel like I'm going with it, but then, my heart starts to beat on its own, and I realise that Jolinar died to save me. I open my eyes slowly, and look around at the people. I catch the gaze of Colonel O'Neill and he looks relieved that I'm alive.

"You did it Sam, you won." He says. Sam. He only calls me that if he's really concerned about me.

I shake me head slowly. "It wasn't me."

"Oh yes it was, you hung in there, you beat it." Jack says to me.

"The Goa'uld gave its life for me. It saved me." I say. It feels good to talk on my own, to have control of my body again. I close my eyes. It's feels like such a long time since I had my body to myself. It's something you take for granted, and it's so good to be in control.

I'm lying in the infirmary. It's late. Daniel is sitting on my bed, talking to me. I'm listening, but I don't respond. I can't. I'm to busy thinking. Daniel leaves and I feel someone else sit on my bed.

"Sam, it's me. You're going to be okay." Says Cassie, laying her hand on my arm. I turn to look at her and I feel a bit better. Yes, in time everything will be okay. I say to myself.


End file.
